12/15/09

Chicago's Contract Clearinghouse


Hey, folks! Kenny Williams here, and boy-howdy, I have an offer for you!

Are you feeling down because you signed that aging, overvalued baseball player to an enormous contract way over market value? Is that scrub who doesn't deserve to get off your bench getting paid like a superstar? Do you feel pressured to play him because of all that money he's making? Are you going through a messy, public divorce and need to cut payroll in a hurry*? Well then pay attention brother, 'cause Kenny "The Gunslinger" Williams is here to help!

See, I think that good old, hardworking folks like you don't deserve to have your payroll hamstrung because of a simple mistake or two (or three or four) that you may have made.  That's why I'm offering an incredible deal for you: just send your overpaid player to me and I'll deal with the headache of fitting him into the payroll and playing time situation! All for the low, low cost of...FREE!

Yes, you heard me, folks: FREE! How can I make such a deal, you ask?


I wouldn't worry about that, partner. You just let me do what I do. See the phone and the 'stache? That's how you know I'm a man of my word. Let me repeat my deal for you: you send your players to me, and I'll deal with them. Your aging, injured, overpaid scrubs are my business - and business is booming!



In fact, things are going so well that if you, yes you act now, right now, I'll even throw in some players of my own! That's right - I will send you prospects in exchange for your high-paid question marks! Sound too good to be true? Well believe it baby! Let me repeat that: call me up NOW and I will send you players of your choosing** in exchange for your albatross contracts! Don't let this great deal go to waste! Call me up now, while I'm feelin' craaaazy!



*In case of messy public divorce, some shipping and handling costs will apply.
**Offer does not apply to all players on the Chicago White Sox 40-man roster or any teams affiliated with the Chicago White Sox. Restrictions may apply.

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