Season Preview: Minnesota Twins

Well we've got 14 days left until Opening Day, which means it's season preview time. We'll be running it down team by team, with an added new wrinkle this time around: the beer of choice for fans of the team to enjoy whilst watching their team take the field! Nothing like that to help get you through a baseball season, especially if you're from Pittsburgh. Up next: the Minnesota Twins.


Lineup: Given the news from today, this is a pretty opportune time to be writing about the Twins' lineup. Joe Mauer, the newest Twinkie to sign a big extension, is the foundation of a pretty solid group that also includes former MVP (however undeserved be the honor) and current Canadian Justin Morneau and a troika of solid hitters in CF Denard Span, RF Michael Cuddyer, and DH Jason Kubel. The team looks to be much improved up the middle by virtue of a couple of solid free agent acquisitions in SS J.J. Hardy and 2B Orlando Hudson, who should both be at least average offensively and provide some solid glovework, and while Brendan Harris isn't exactly a good option at the hot corner, he should be fairly adequate. LF Delmon Young is the big question mark here; the talented prospect has been a dud so far, but is only 24 and so still has a chance to make good on the hype. Unfortunately for his development, he's out of minor league options, which means that he's been learning pitch recognition and plate discipline on the fly at the major league level; if he doesn't take steps forward in those departments this year, then he's just going to be a warm body with a big arm. And that does not a good left fielder make.


Rotation: Francisco Liriano has looked extremely sharp in winter ball and Spring Training, which means that he could potentially give this group the ace that it needs. Scott Baker, Kevin Slowey, Nick Blackburn and Carl Pavano aren't exactly a killer group - they're each cast in the 3rd/4th starter mold, as none have a propensity for strikeouts (Liriano's 8.03 K/9 led the team) and get by almost entirely on good control (Baker's 2.16 BB/9 was the highest among the projected group of starters) - but they should be able to keep this team hovering around average, which with their lineup and division should be enough to keep them in contention all season. This portion of the preview was so short in large part because we contend that Baker, Slowey and Blackburn (besides sounding like a law firm) are all entirely indistinguishable from one another and may in fact be the same person. They even look alike (particularly Blackburn and Baker). 


Bullpen: Joe Nathan's pending Tommy John surgery isn't a death blow for this group, but it certainly complicates things. The team hasn't announced an official closer - which for our sanity they'd best just go with a committee, like teams should - but the favorites seem to be Jon Rauch (not because he's good, but because he's been A Closer), Matt Guerrier (who was good last season, but we don't think it's sustainable success; see e.g. 5.5 K/9 and a home run rate over 1), and Pat Neshek (who is good, but is probably seen as too goofy to actually win the job; see e.g. his blog and delivery).  Clay Condrey and Jose Mijares both had success last season, so if they can repeat their 2009 seasons and Guerrier doesn't blow up (far from a sure thing) then hopefully they can keep Jesse Crain away from the mound often enough to not blow too many leads. Overall, though, a much less talented group without Joe Nathan. That's the kind of incisive analysis that makes us the 18,488,136th most popular site on the internet. Pop champagne!


Overall: The pitching worries us, particularly if Francisco Liriano's possible return to form is a mirage. The Twins were below average in FIP last season, and need to see some improvement if they want to be strong contenders - particularly with a weakened bullpen. However, the lineup should be good enough to carry this team to a division title. 


Predicted Record: 87-75, 1st place AL Central


Beer: Molson Canadian Lager. As the name very subtly implies, this is a Canadian brew, which is obviously inspired by the presence of Justin Morneau. But there are other reasons. Molson partnered with Coors in 2005 to create Molson Coors, which is the fifth-largest beer company in the world and lending an American tinge to the beer (they had to cease their Joe Canada commercials). The Twins analog for this is that they have now tabbed All-American Joe Mauer to be its drink-stirring straw rather than Morneau. Also, Labatt, another Canadian brewery, joined InBev which is the largest beer company in the world. So despite their efforts to keep up by throwing their hats in with an international conglomerate - see e.g. giving Mauer $184MM - they still aren't in the league of the big boys (the Yankees/Red Sox). Plus it's more expensive than it probably should be, which is what fans at domeless Target Field will be thinking about their ticket prices when they're being assaulted by the infamous Minnesota mosquitoes during summer games. 

MLB Jam: Final Four

Only four teams remain in this epic battle of the basketballing baseballers! The wheat has been separated from the chaff, the cream has risen to the top, and so on and so forth. In the AL side, it's a showdown of epic proportions between Joe Mauer's Twins and Matt Wieters' Orioles; in the Senior Circuit, Matt Kemp's Dodgers and Ryan Howard's Phillies were the NL's top dogs last season. Will the Dodgers make up for their playoff failings? Will the Phillies add another (imaginary) trophy to their mantle? Will the Mauer/Wieters showdown leave us all too utterly in awe to even tell you about it? Those answers, and more, are coming right up. As always, games to 21, 2's and 3's, call own fouls, and let's get a champ ee yun ship game squared away!

Game 1: (5) Minnesota Twins vs. (13) Baltimore Orioles
Players: Joe Mauer/Pat Neshek vs. Matt Wieters/Brian Matusz


The Orioles are the lowest seed to advance this far in tournament history (admittedly, perhaps not the most impressive record), and have done so on the strength of Matt Wieters' phenomenal swag. The Twins have overcome a pair of formidable title contenders (Rangers, Yankees) because of Joe Mauer's dominance. We don't mind saying that this has been the most hotly anticipated pairing of the tournament; it's a regular ratings bonanza (relatively speaking). And from the outset, neither team disappoints. It's a flurry of stunning crossovers, no-look assists, clean jumpers, and lockdown defense. Paradoxical? Maybe. Entertaining? You bet. The game stays deadlocked most of the way, until the Orioles start to pull ahead late as Matusz asserts his dominance over Neshek. The O's jump to a 19-16 lead, but Mauer ties it up from 3 after a crazy side-armed assist from Neshek that snakes through the legs of the unsuspecting Matusz. Tied 19-19, and unwilling to go through another epic showdown like they just had against, the Orioles were in a crucial spot. But there's a reason why Matt Wieters already has a Hall of Fame plaque and Joe Mauer doesn't. The thunderous game-winning alley-oop that he throws down isn't that reason, but it's pretty indicative, no? Orioles win, 21-19.

Game 2: (1) Los Angeles Dodgers vs. (2) Philadelphia Phillies
Players: Matt Kemp/Jon Broxton vs. Shane Victorino/Ryan Howard


These may be the top two seeds, but they certainly got here in strange ways. The Phillies won one game by virtue of playing only against 5'6'' Danny Ray-Herrera and another by the Rockies' rulebook recklessness, while the Dodgers advanced last round because of Matt Kemp's midget stripper. What we're saying is, this could go either way. The Dodgers size advantage seems to hurt them early, as Victorino, seemingly unencumbered by the ceremonial lei he's been insisting on wearing, darts around nimbly as ever, finishing around the rim and from the perimeter with equal aplomb. Kemp heats up from deep, though, draining a couple of three-pointers to put the Dodgers right back in it. Howard and Broxton wage a battle for the ages down on the blocks, trading subtle elbows and jostling constantly. Hook shots and drop step-layups abound from down around the basket, until as with the earlier game, we stand deadlocked at 19. Victorino had been somewhat quiet, seemingly worn down, but he turned on the jets and streaked past a flatfooted Kemp on the way to the hole...only to find himself yanked to the ground by the lei mid-triumphant dunk. FOUL! Which we don't remember, exactly, but we think that's the first one called. The crowd goes hushed, but applauds as Victorino gets up and heads to the line for his potentially game-clinching free throws...and of course sinks them both. But don't get too excited, Phillies fans - he celebrated by popping his new t-shirt line that he's been wearing to games. Sweet shirt, bro. Phillies win, 21-19.


Well, well, well, a couple of thrillers there! O's and Phitins for the 'ship...not too shabby if we say so ourselves. Let us play you out with the bracket to date:

MLB Jam: AL Semi-Finals

Oh boy, we're gettin to the quick now. 8 teams remain, including both 1 seeds and a couple of Cinderella stories in the (12) Houston Astros and (14) Baltimore Orioles. The backstopping darlings of the sabersphere (Wieters, Mauer) remain alive, to say nothing of the rangy (7) Mariners squad. SO! What will we see in today's action? Can Wieters and Mauer set the stage for a showdown that will surely be the end of us all? Will the Yankees continue their march of dominance? WE DON'T KNOW. Just kidding. We do. You don't. Yet. Games to 21, 2's and 3's, call own fouls and here...we...go.

Game 1: (1) New York Yankees vs. (5) Minnesota Twins
Players: Andrew Brackman/CC Sabathia vs. Joe Mauer/Pat Neshek


You know, the Yankees are a lot like the San Antonio Spurs in this business. We hope you'll ignore the cross-sport metaphor, considering that this whole thing is, you know, a cross-sport deal. In any event, they've got the David Robinson/Tim Duncan twin towers combo, their navy and white is more or less analogous to the Spurs' black and silver, and a title win by either feels more like a preordained event more than cause for celebration. It's a methodical march for these folks. So but then you can imagine the surprise when Sabathia goes all Tim Duncan and shoots 4-23 in a stunning display of selfishness and ineptitude considering that this is a game to 21. Sorry, boys, but you'll have to do better to beat Joe Mauer (the Kobe Bryant in the Yankees-Spurs analogy). Twins win, 21-17.


Game 2: (14) Baltimore Orioles vs. (7) Seattle Mariners
Players: Matt Wieters/Brian Matusz vs. Franklin Gutierrez/Milton Bradley


It's not too often that a 14/7 matchup features such elite talents. Neither team is to be trifled with, which we know is supposed to be said about all teams, but, well, some teams really suck (hi, KC!). But any team with Matt Wieters is a force, and any team featuring Franklin 'Death to Flying Things Jr.' Gutierrez is going to be a very tough out. So while they're low seeds, this isn't exactly an upset special - and neither team's trademarks of victory are going to work as well here. The chemistry between the Baltimore battery mates is impenetrable to Bradley's mercurial (we're legally required to say that word in any post where Bradley's name appears) nature, but the superb natural talents of Wieters is neutralized somewhat by Gutierrez's superhuman range around the court. The teams duel to an epic standstill - and at 50-50, both teams have had enough. So you know what's coming, of course: a shooting contest to determine the winner (no dunking). But after even that proves ineffective (it went on for hours and, while incredible to watch, also got repetitive), the teams decide that a sudden death point will win. They have a jump ball to determine who gets it first, which the Orioles win. Unfortunately for the Mariners, Bradley then tears an ACL arguing to the referee about the unfairness of the jump ball. Ironically, since we call our own fouls, Bradley was the ref - and, in fact, threw the jump ball in the first place. Poor guy. Orioles win, but we lost track of the score.


Oh, like there was any way we weren't going to have Mauer and Wieters facing off. Come on! Most exciting 5/14 matchup ever? Most exciting 5/14 matchup ever. Bracket time!

MLB Jam: AL Round 2

Well we're through a full round of action in the vaunted MLB Jam tournament, so the field's starting to get whittled down (as opposed to the tournaments where more teams join as it goes on). Today is the first time that our top 2 seeds in the AL will get to take the court, as the Yankees and Angels were off cooling their heels while their potential opponents scrapped to the bitter end. Will they be too rusty to play up to their lofty ranking? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT! You know the rules by now - games to 21, 2's and 3's, win by 2, call own fouls AND WE'RE OFF.

Game 1: (1) New York Yankees vs. (8) Tampa Bay Rays
Players: Andrew Brackman/CC Sabathia vs. Carl Crawford/Jeff Niemann


The Yankees have an enormous size advantage here, as Brackman is somewhere from 6'10'' - 7'0'' and Sabathia is...well, girthy. Crawford's the only real speedster on the court, though, so the Rays have that going for them. Unfortunately, it's not enough, as Sabathia displays the vaunted fat-guy-at-the-Y accuracy from deep that even today boggles the minds of our top scientific minds (or maybe just us) and goes on a 3-point spree that buries any hope the Rays had of upsetting the old guard. Yankees win, 21-12.


Game 2: (4) Texas Rangers vs. (5) Minnesota Twins
Players: Nelson Cruz/Elvis Andrus vs. Joe Mauer/Pat Neshek


Mauer Pauer, baby. The be-sideburned one celebrates the imminent signing of his 7 or 8 or 10 year deal by going buck wild on the formidable Rangers duo, nullifying the Rangers' significant size/athleticism advantages. There's just really  nothing you can do when he decides to turn it on like that, we guess. And, like last time, Mr. Neshek is permitted by the graces of Mr. Mauer to score a bucket...but only one. Twins win, 21-8.


Game 3: (14) Baltimore Orioles vs. (11) Toronto Blue Jays
Players: Matt Wieters/Brian Matusz vs. Mark Rzepczynski/Jason Frasor


We don't know what it is about supremely talented young catchers that inspires so much fanbole, but we're totally buying in. Much like with the Mauer Pauer Hauer that was on display in Game 2, Matt Wieters takes it upon himself to thoroughly dominate the Jays, despite their basketball pedigree (Frasor's brother) and superior fitness (Sztep with Rzep) (we can't believe he's not made that a real venture yet. There's money to be had, Mark!), and the O's cruise to a victory. The Wieters/Mauer showdown can't be far! Orioles win, 21-11.


Game 4: (7) Seattle Mariners vs. (2) Los Angeles Angels
Players: Milton Bradley/Franklin Gutierrez vs. Jered Weaver/Reggie Willits


The Mariners got by in Round 1 by virtue of the fact that everyone was terrified to foul Milton Bradley and Franklin Gutierrez utilized his defensive wizardry to haul down rebounds and block shots by the metric ton (just kidding...we don't use the metric system here). And, well, Jered Weaver and Reggie Willits aren't exactly the type to mess with that formula. Weaver's got the height, but his surfer bro mentality relegates him to outside shots and soft D, while Willits' speed proves of minimal effectiveness since Weaver never lets him have the ball - much like Mike Scioscia never lets him play. Remember what we said about fake sports imitating real life? Yeah. It's a bitch, huh, Reggie? Mariners win, 21-16.




So after the top half of the bracket went all chalk on us, we have the pleasure of a 7/14 matchup in the 3rd round. Such things will happen when the seedings are established entirely independently of actual basketball talent, we suppose, but either way it's kind of neat. Anyway, it's time for the updated bracket, and you can expect the NL's 2nd round either tomorrow or Friday depending on how motivated we get.

MLB Jam: Bracket and AL Round 1

Perhaps because we have entirely too much time on our hands or perhaps because, hey, who doesn't like brackets?, we've now made a bracket for the MLB Jam business we've been bandying on about around these parts. Seeding was determined based on the team's performance relative to their league; the Yankees, for example, are the 1 seed in the AL because they had the AL's best record. Oh, and they get a bye (as do the Angels) because there're 14 teams in the American League for reasons unbeknownst to us...but at least it's easier to make brackets for 14 and 16 team leagues instead of 15. Yikes. Can you even imagine? And then, of course, we're going to play out this imaginary tournament. Because that's how committed we are to our readers (especially the one from Korea! Hi!). Here're the AL's first 6 games, after which our shiny new bracket will be unveiled! Rules: games to 21, 2's and 3's, win by 2, call your own fouls. Whee!

Game 1: (8) Tampa Bay Rays vs. (9) Chicago White Sox
The players:  Carl Crawford/Jeff Niemann vs. Brent Lillibridge and John Danks

It looks like this game features an egregious underseed in the Rays, who boast the athleticism of Carl Crawford and the 6'9''-ism of Jeff Niemann. Anyway, Niemann should easily handle Danks down low, but Lillibridge's strategy of falling over and calling a foul every time Crawford gets close to him keeps the Sox in the game...for awhile. Eventually, Crawford stops playing any offense whatsoever and just passes to Niemann for the easy buckets. Rays win, 21-16.

Game 2:  (4) Texas Rangers vs. (13) Kansas City Royals
The players: Nelson Cruz/Elvis Andrus vs. Yuniesky Betancourt/Jason Kendall

Erm...it seems odd to call a team at 13 an overseed, but, well, we did sort of intentionally make them the worst pairing in the tournament. So, we mean, come on, who picks these seeds? The Rangers are small, but the Royals are bad. Fans of first-round upsets (see also: people who enjoy puppies and sunshine) should avoid their eyes. Rangers win, 21-2 (Yuni lucked into an easy putback, much the same way he's been lucking into major league employment).

Game 3: (5) Minnesota Twins vs. (12) Cleveland Indians
The players: Joe Mauer/Pat Neshek vs. Fausto Carmona/Justin Masterson

This game could be close despite the presence of Joe Mauer since the Indians boast a sizable size advantage. We need to pick our adjectives better. Anyway, Fausto's run at the point starts out looking promising, as he threads the needle with some gorgeous passes, and shows deadly accuracy from 3 point land. But then, in a tragic case of fake sports imitating real sports, his control goes horribly awry - and Justin Masterson alone is no match for Joe Mauer. And, yes, Pat Neshek managed to score some points - but only because Mauer encouraged him to so he wouldn't feel bad. Twins win, 21-15.

Game 4: (3) Boston Red Sox vs. (14) Baltimore Orioles
The players: Dustin Pedroia/Jacoby Ellsbury vs. Matt Wieters/Brian Matusz

The chemistry of Wieters and Matusz stands in stark contrast to the constant bickering happening on the Red Sox squad, as Ellsbury (presumably a decent human being) can't stand Pedroia. Their arguments are punctuated by Pedroia making an Indian joke at Ellsbury's expense, followed by Ellsbury firing a bullet pass at Pedroia's head. Since Pedroia can't catch up with the high-n-in fastball, the ball catches him squarely in the nose, and the game is promptly called so the court can be mopped up. Wieters saves his inevitable heroics for another day. Orioles win by default, 9-5.  

Game 5: (6) Detroit Tigers vs. (11) Toronto Blue Jays
The players:  Justin Verlander/Rick Porcello vs. Mark Rzepczynski/Jason Frasor

Hey, an all-pitcher battle! Neat! Porcello and Verlander are tall, but as pitchers, are barely even athletes. Jason Frasor, as a pitcher, is barely an athlete, but he's got the Bobby Frasor Basketball Blood (that's how these things work, right?) and Rzep of course, bucks the trend by being in phenomenal shape. Blue Jays win, 21-10.

Game 6: (7) Seattle Mariners vs. (10) Oakland A's
The players: Milton Bradley/Franklin Gutierrez vs. Jack Cust/Jerry Blevins

Bradley, as predicted, goes the entire game without being fouled once, since Cust and Blevins are both terrified of him. With Bradley free to drive the lane every time and Gutierrez corralling every rebound and tip and swatting shots left and right, the Mariners make this game is a laugher - especially when Cust stops to take a smoke break midway through the game. Hi-larious, we tell you. Mariners win, 21-4.



Not exactly the most exciting first round, but, hey, a 14 over a 3 always makes for good fun!  Plus, we don't know about you, but the bracket just warms the heart anyway - which is certainly welcome in the frigid February days.

MLB Jam: AL Edition

Well, this started as a post that was going to compile information about all the arbitration-eligible players in the league, like what they were being offered/countering with, what they signed for, etc. After all, a lot happens very quickly around this time of year. But then we found out that the indispensable Cot's Baseball Contracts is already doing just that. Sometimes, we just don't know why we bother.

But in any event we went through the trouble of logging in here, so, hey, might as well write something, right? A couple of days ago, over at our other gig on MLB Notebook, we briefly tossed out the idea of creating an MLB version of NBA Jam - hence the goofy title of this post. At the time, we weren't really sure how such a thing would work. Should we pick the two guys who'd be best at hoops, or the most representative players of the team regardless of hooping ability? If we did consider basketball skills, was there any chance that we could avoid charges of racism*? Should we look at baseball skills?

*Short answer: certainly not. Longer answer: certainly not, but it's not like we've got an enormous readership clamoring for controversy.

With no real answer in sight, we decided that this was probably a pretty silly idea. But then!

Well, no, there is no but then! moment. We're still fairly sure this is a dumb idea. But we're going to try to play it relatively straight, and pick the two guys who we think would make for a decent 2-on-2 team from each team's 40-man roster. Will it work? Well, that's for you to decide.

AL East
Baltimore Orioles: Matt Wieters and Brian Matusz

• Sliced bread, of course, is the greatest thing since Matt Wieters, and if Matusz can toss entry passes like a baseball, this team could get by on some Stockton/Malone mojo. They'll be a bit 'tweener-sized, since both are 6'5'', but they might be a nice darkhorse.

Boston Red Sox: Jacoby Ellsbury and Dustin Pedroia 

• The Sox are just not a very tall team - Dustin Richardson (whom we've never heard of ) is the tallest at 6'6''. So we're gonna go small ball with this team - Ellsbury's legs will play well at the point, and Pedroia seems like that annoying bastard at the Y who plays dirty and hits enough shots to feel secure in taunting everyone about it.

New York Yankees: Andrew Brackman and CC Sabathia

• Brackman is at least 6'10'' (he was listed at 7'0'' in the Cape Cod League) so he's a natural choice to be the big man for the Yankee squad. And have you ever seen a fat man play basketball who doesn't hit shots like it's his job? We haven't. And we're writing this. So there.

Tampa Bay Rays: Carl Crawford and Jeff Niemann

• Crawford gets the nod over the uber-athletic Desmond Jennings because he's got about 40 pounds on the guy. Niemann makes it because he's 6'9''. We also considered Matt Garza because of the aforementioned douche-factor that got Pedroia a spot, but we decided that Garza's more like the kind of guy that people on his own team resent during pickup games.

  Toronto Blue Jays: Jason Frasor and Mark Rzepczynski

• We know it looks like this team will suck. But Jason Frasor's brother, Bobby Frasor, is the point guard at North Carolina, and Rzepczynski has a first-rate fitness program. So all we're saying here is that this team could be a dark horse.

AL Central
Chicago White Sox: Brent Lillibridge and John Danks

• "Baby Face" Brent Lillibridge is on the team because he looks sort of incredibly fragile, so he'll be able to draw plenty of charging calls against the bigger, badder teams. Danks' brother, Jordan, is an excellent athlete in center field, so maybe big bro John was blessed with some of that, too. What we're saying is, it's slim pickings on this team.

Cleveland Indians: Fausto Carmona and Justin Masterson

• We're going big with these guys. Carmona, a 6'5'' sinkerballer, should be able to throw a mean bounce pass - assuming he doesn't miss wildly every time. Masterson's 6'6'', and that's literally the only reason we can think of to put him on here. But unless Shin-Soo Choo has some Jeremy Lin in him, we're sort of at a loss for the rest of these guys.

Detroit Tigers: Justin Verlander and Rick Porcello

• Couple of tall young guns here. We figure that since they're a pair of starting pitchers, they both spend plenty of their copious downtime with one another, and so have a good chemistry. Now let's all start pretending that "chemistry" has still never been used to settle an issue on this here blog.  

Kansas City Royals: Yuniesky Betancourt and Jason Kendall

• Sorry, but when a team is fielding two of the worst regular players in the league, they sort of have to be on the same team together. But, hey, at least Kendall has that Veteran Presence, eh? Let's just hope he doesn't break an ankle.

Minnesota Twins: Joe Mauer and Pat Neshek

• Sort of the same reasoning here as with the Orioles...what, exactly, can't Joe Mauer do? And would Pat Neshek's sidearm game translate to roundball? And has anyone ever won a game while listening to Livin' on a Prayer? Stay tuned!

AL West
Los Angeles Angels: Jered Weaver and Reggie Willits

• Weaver, at 6'7'', would be one of the tallest players in this silly little contest. Willits has himself a speedy pair of legs, and since the other choices were the oft-injured Howie Kendrick and old Bobby Abreu, we took Willits. Though it would be funny to watch Fernando Rodney repeatedly throw chest passes into the crowd...that is, if he's not still standing on the mound in the Metrodome.  

Oakland Athletics: Jack Cust and Jerry Blevins

• Cust's Three True Outcomes game at the plate clearly translates to the hardcourt like so: HR -> slam dunk; BB -> puppy two-footer; K -> missed three-pointer. Not the worst guy in the world to have on your team. Blevins is 6'6''. We're starting to see that size is something of a premium in MLB, so instead of going with the speedier Eric Patterson or Rajai Davis, we're gonna pick height. This is gonna be a plodding team, so for their sake, we may have to play half-court. 

Seattle Mariners: Milton Bradley and Franklin Gutierrez

• Would you want to foul Bradley and get him angry? That's what we thought. And Gutierrez - a.k.a. Death to Flying Things - would clearly pull down every rebound in sight, and probably block a few shots as well. 

Texas Rangers: Nelson Cruz and Elvis Andrus

• We're dipping into the defense theme again with Andrus, but Cruz is the real threat here. He's a stocky guy, at 230, but he's also got speed to burn, having stolen 20 bases last season. 

So there you have it. Feel free to let us know if you can think of better choices for any of the spots - we promise we won't be offended. Oh, and stay tuned for the NL version at some point in the near future. We hope.

The All-Decade Team: Position Players (short version)

This post is the short version of the post we just wrote, so if you don't feel like reading our analysis (shame on you), you can just refer to this.

C Joe Mauer, Jorge Posada, Ivan Rodriguez, Mike Piazza

1B Albert Pujols, Todd Helton, Lance Berkman, Ryan Howard

2B Jeff Kent, Chase Utley, Ray Durham, Jose Vidro

SS Derek Jeter, Miguel Tejada, Michael Young, Jimmy Rollins

3B Alex Rodriguez, Chipper Jones, Scott Rolen, Adrian Beltre

LF Barry Bonds, Manny Ramirez, Gary Sheffield, Luis Gonzalez

CF Jim Edmonds, Carlos Beltran, Mike Cameron, Andruw Jones

RF Ichiro Suzuki, Vladimir Guerrero, Bobby Abreu, Magglio Ordonez

Batting Order

Ichiro Suzuki

Jim Edmonds

Albert Pujols

Barry Bonds

Alex Rodriguez

Joe Mauer

Jeff Kent

Derek Jeter

The All-Decade Team: Position Players

It's that time of...decade! Which is to say, it's the end of a ten-year period, which means it's the perfect time for retrospectives! And one of our personal favorite ways to do so is to create the all-decade team. It's going to be especially fun for us with the '00s since we weren't, you know, really making memories at the beginning of the last decade. But this time we've come prepared! So let's get to our choices for the best players of the decade at each position, which is the end-all be-all of teams and will in no way cause discussion or disagreement.

Some notes: Players considered for spots will be considered only on the body of their work this decade. They need not have played for the entirety of 2000-2009, but obviously, the more years the better. When we say MVP candidate, we mean that they placed in the top 20 of MVP voting. Other candidates are presented in order of finish. Also: due to some confusion, we'd like to point out that all stats that are referenced have been accumulated during the current decade. So e.g. Andruw Jones' 308 HRs are the HRs that he hit from 2000-present.

C: Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins. 2004-09 stats: .327/.408/.483, 136 OPS+, 3 batting titles, winner of '09 slash-stat triple crown.

Mauer played the least among the candidates here - accruing only 3000 PA - but his numbers have been so impressive that he wins anyway. Plus, if you cherry pick each candidate's best 5-year stretch, none of them are as good as Mauer. 2000-04 was the best such stretch for each catcher; Posada went .277/.391/.494, Rodriguez was .319/.366/.539 (132 OPS+), and Piazza tied Mauer's 136 OPS+ with a .292/.376/.539 line, but loses on the tiebreak due to Mauer's superior defensive ability. If you want to choose a candidate that played the full 10 years, that's fine with us, but for our money, Mauer's the best.

Other candidates:

Jorge Posada, New York Yankees. Decade stats: .283/.386/.492, 129 OPS+, 208 HR.

Ivan Rodriguez, Texas Rangers/Florida Marlins/Detroit Tigers/New York Yankees/Houston Astros. Decade stats: .298/.345/.477, 110 OPS+, 161 HR, 65 SB.

Mike Piazza, New York Mets/San Diego Padres (we'd forgotten!)/Oakland Athletics. Decade stats: .285/.360/.512, 127 OPS+, 3 Silver Slugger awards, 3rd-place '00 MVP voting.

1B: Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals. This is the easiest choice on the list. Allow us to remind you of his transcendent greatness: .334/.427/.628 career line. 172 OPS+, which is 6th all-time. Top-10 in MVP voting every year of his career, top-5 in 8 of 9 years, 3-time winner (including this season), and robbed of a 4th. Not counting his rookie year, he's never struck out more than 69 times in a season, and has walked more than he's struck out every season. And ohbytheway, he's done all this with an elbow that has probably needed Tommy John surgery for several years now. The guy's an all-timer.

Other candidates:

Todd Helton, Colorado Rockies. Decade stats: .331/.436/.569, 145 OPS+, 260 HR, 1.36 BB:K.

Lance Berkman, Houston Astros. Decade stats: .300/.413/.559, 148 OPS+, 309 HR, 74 SB, 6-time MVP candidate.

Ryan Howard, Philadelphia Phillies. Decade stats: .279/.376/.586, 142 OPS+, 12.1 AB/HR (3rd all-time; 1st among actives)

And also Miguel Cabrera is really good. Didn't play enough to really qualify among the giants, but...he's really good.

2B: Jeff Kent, San Francisco Giants, Houston Astros, Los Angeles Dodgers. Decade stats: .300/.371/.518, 130 OPS+. MVP award, 4 Silver Sluggers. We're not considering his dubious clubhouse presence or Barry Bonds-alleged racism. We ARE considering, however, one of the best all-time seasons by a second baseman in 2000, and general excellence for the rest of the decade. His worst season was his last; as a 40-year old in 2008, he posted a 96 OPS+. Which, when you consider the fact that other candidates for this list are right around 100 OPS+ for their careers, is very impressive. That's ultimately what gives him the award over Chase Utley, who's been not quite as good with the bat but vastly superior with the glove. So we won't quibble if you choose Chutley.

Other candidates:

Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies. Decade stats: .295/.379/.523, 129 OPS+, 3x Silver Slugger (probably 4 with this year), 5-time MVP candidate, superb defender.

Ray Durham, Chicago White Sox/Oakland Athletics/San Francisco Giants/Milwaukee Brewers. Decade stats: .277/.354/.450, 107 OPS+, 132 HR, 122 SB.

Jose Vidro, Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals/Seattle Mariners. Decade stats: .303/.366/.452, 111 OPS+, '02 MVP candidate, Silver Slugger award, played for the Expos.

Yeah, second base is a weak group.

SS: David Eckstein just kidding

SS: Derek Jeter, New York Yankees. Decade stats: .317/.387/.456, 121 OPS+, 8-time MVP candidate, 3 Silver Sluggers, 219 SB. Yeah, yeah, yeah, intangibles, the Captain, calm eyes, whatever. That counts for nothing. What does count is that the dude can hit and run, and as of this past season, apparently learned how to use his glove. There's not really much more you could ask for from your shortstop.

Other candidates:

Miguel Tejada, Oakland Athletics/Baltimore Orioles/Houston Astros. Decade stats: .297/.347/.481, 116 OPS+, 7-time MVP candidate (1 win), 2x Silver Sluggers.

Michael Young, Texas Rangers. Decade stats: .302/.349/.449, 105 OPS+. 3-time MVP candidate, used to be a great, great fielder. Probably underrated, and yet that's all we can think to say about him.

Jimmy Rollins, Philadelphia Phillies. Decade stats: .274/.329/.439, 97 OPS+, 326 SB (83% success), 5-time MVP candidate (1 win), Silver Slugger award. Is almost certainly overrated, but, well, there's little offense to be had at shortstop, and Rollins' speed and somewhat valuable defense pushes him above the pack.

3B: Alex Rodriguez, Seattle Mariners/Texas Rangers/New York Yankees. Decade stats: .304/.401/.587, 154 OPS+, 9-time MVP candidate (3-time winner), 7x Silver Sluggers, 434 HR, 179 SB (83% success). Another all-timer here, even if he did take steroids. In this decade, he's never posted less than a 130 OPS+, has hit 30+ HR each year, and done all of that while switching positions. Had he been a shortstop, he's probably the best shortstop to ever play; as a third basegentleman, he's merely one of the best ever.

Other candidates:

Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves. .311/.415/.545, 148 OPS+, 6-time MVP candidate, 1.12 BB:K, our favorite player. If he stayed healthy, he'd be number one here.

Scott Rolen, Philadelphia Phillies/St. Louis Cardinals/Toronto Blue Jays/Cincinnati Reds. Decade stats: .285/.368/.497, 124 OPS+, averages 15.5 UZR/150, 1-time MVP candidate.

Adrian Beltre, Los Angeles Dodgers/Seattle Mariners. Decade stats: .272/.324/.459, 106 OPS+, great fielder, very durable (valuable considering the rest of the list), 1-time MVP candidate/Silver Slugger winner.

LF: Barry Bonds, San francisco Giants. Decade stats: .322/.517/.724, 221 OPS+. We're going to repeat those, because they are positively cartoonish. .322/.517/.724, 221 OPS+. That 221 OPS+ from 2000-2007 would be the 17th-best single season of all-time. His 2002, 2004, and 2001 seasons are the three-best of all-time, respectively. He set the single season record for home runs, with 73. His walk:strikeout ratio was a ridiculous 2.64. He set single season and career records for walks, both intentional and unintentional. After his 73-homer 2001, in which he struck out 93 times, he never again struck out more than 58 times. Discount it for steroids all you want, and he still dwarfs any challengers. But he did stop stealing bases, so, you know, there's that. The funny thing is, he'd be the starting LF for the 1990's team as well.

Other candidates, inasmuch as there are any:

Manny Ramirez, Boston Red Sox/Los Angeles Dodgers. Decade stats: .317/.419/.599, 160 OPS+, 7-time MVP candidate and Silver Slugger.

Gary Sheffield, Los Angeles Dodgers/Atlanta Braves/New York Yankees/Detroit Tigers/New York Mets. Decade stats: .294/.394/.527, 140 OPS+, 273 HR, 97 SB, 1.16 BB:K, 5-time MVP candidate, 3x Silver Slugger.

Luis Gonzalez, Arizona Diamondbacks/Los Angeles Dodgers/Florida Marlins. Decade stats: .288/.382/.508, 124 OPS+, 2-time MVP candidate, Silver Slugger, 1.1 BB:K.

CF: Jim Edmonds, St. Louis Cardinals/San Diego Padres/Chicago Cubs. Decade stats: .280/.389/.548, 140 OPS+, 5-time MVP candidate, Silver Slugger, 261 HR. Edmonds is a guy who would've had a backup role on the '9os team, but he shines here. He had more power than most players in the game, which is remarkable for a center fielder. He shone defensively, and could work a walk. Like Jeter at short, there's nothing else you could ask for from a center fielder.

Other candidates:

Carlos Beltran, Kansas City Royals/Houston Astros/New York Mets. Decade stats: .282/.363/.502, 121 OPS+, 5-time MVP candidate, 2x Silver Sluggers, excellent fielder.

Mike Cameron, Seattle Mariners/New York Mets/San Diego Padres/Milwaukee Brewers. Decade stats: .253/.342/.457, 111 OPS+, 221 HR, 208 SB (79% success), 2-time MVP candidate.

Andruw Jones, Atlanta Braves/Los Angeles Dodgers/Texas Rangers. Decade stats: .257/.339/.492, 112 OPS+, 5-time MVP candidate (2nd place in '06), Silver Slugger, 308 HR.

I know that leaving out Torii Hunter will be an unpopular choice, but he's just not as good as Cameron or Jones. Hunter doesn't get on base nearly as well as Cameron, doesn't approach Jones in power, has a lower OPS+ than both Cameron and Jones, and has gotten by on a defensive reputation that focuses on his SportsCenter highlights and not his actual negative defensive value since 2002 (-15 UZR).

RF: Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners. Decade stats: .333/.378/434, 118 OPS+, '01 Rookie of the Year/MVP, 7-time MVP candidate, 2x Silver Sluggers, best defensive right fielder in MLB. This was a surprisingly difficult field. In terms of Wins Above Replacement, Ichiro is the clear leader, with 38.8 to Vlad's 32.2, mostly because of Ichiro's vast defensive advantage. It's still hard to give the honor to a guy with a 118 OPS+, But he's stolen 341 bases with an incredible 90% success rate. He's got the single season record for hits, and has led the league in hits 6 times, including 4 straight years. He may yet get 3,000 in America, which is shocking considering that he came here at age 27. His OBP and SLG don't shine, but everything else is as good as it gets - and you get the feeling that if he wanted to draw more walks or hit more dongers, he could.

Other candidates:

Vladimir Guerrero, Montreal Expos/Los Angeles Angels. Decade stats: .323/.392/.569, 147 OPS+, 9-time MVP candidate (1 win), 6x Silver Slugger, 315 HR, 147 SB.

Bobby Abreu, Philadelphia Phillies/New York Yankees/Los Angeles Angels. Decade stats: .297/.402/.497, 132 OPS+, 216 HR, 295 SB, 5-time MVP candidate, 1-time Silver Slugger.

Magglio Ordonez, Chicago White Sox/Detroit Tigers. Decade stats: .316/.379/.523, 132 OPS+, 5-time MVP candidate, 3x Silver Slugger.

Season in Haiku: Minnesota Twins

Joe Mauer rules all

The Canadian's not bad

The playoffs!...somehow.